Spare the Rod
Spoilers as a service
We all have that one friend, Dave, whose life consists of watching every show ever, and then talking about it the next morning at work, and if you complain because you haven't seen it yet, he says "it's been 12 hours, it's not my fault if you haven't seen it!".
Don't be like Dave. Fuck Dave. And that's where we come in.
Dave needs a taste of his own medicine, but you don't want to rush ahead to the ending just to spite Dave.
We can solve that problem for money.
How this works
You pay us, give us Dave's email and tell us his favorite show. We send him an email that looks like this (and then delete all of Dave's data):
Subject: Your recent Instagram story
This is John from human resources. It has come to our attention that you recently posted an Instagram story about how Bruce Willis' character in the Sixth Sense is actually dead all along. Please refrain from posting any more spoilers because, frankly, people think you're a bit of a dick for it.
John from HR
Obviously, the Sixth Sense spoiler (spoiler alert if you haven't seen it, by the way) will be tailored to the show you select, for maximum frustration. You will also never have to see the spoiler and Dave won't know who sent the email.
DISCLAIMER: If you use this service to spoil things for people who haven't spoiled anything, you will go to the special hell.